A step
Monday, November 2, 2009 at 7:54PM Some time ago, we went on the Walk for the Homeless. While I think it was a good time (and important), I made no pretense that it was doing much more for the homeless than cheering them on for a day. But that day I also committed to actually doing something for the homeless.
Tonight, I took a step in fulfilling that commitment.
My Brother's Keeper is a homeless shelter in Waco. Every weeknight, they have someone from the community come and do a devotional for those staying in the shelter. So, I emailed Jimmy Dorrell (the director of Mission Waco) and he put me down for November 2nd.
That seems like a long time ago. Or, at least, November 2nd seemed like a long time away before I had to think about actually doing anything.
So, as you might guess, I found myself thinking, Oh my gosh, Lord, November 2nd is next week! What was I thinking? What in the world am I going to share?
As the weekend progressed, I had some conversations with God about what I might share. This morning, I woke up feeling not-so-great. No fever, just feeling under the weather. I did not feel like talking about God to anyone.
I found myself thinking, I don't feel up to doing this. But I felt like God was saying, My strength is made perfect in Your weakness. I knew He was right (in our conversations, I find that God is right at least half of the time). I realized that if I felt great about this whole thing (and great physically), that maybe I would find no real need to rely on God in order to share God. But maybe, just maybe, feeling sick, tired, overwhelmed, etc. would be just the recipe for God actually having some room to do something.
It's so crazy it just might work!
There was nothing romantic about my time at My Brother's Keeper. I had been to the place before, but it was much more scary at night. It is in a dark, deserted part of downtown Waco. It's surrounded by small streets, trees, railroad tracks, and abandoned buildings.
I walked up to the door, and it was locked. I knocked and someone let me in. He could tell by the lost, bewildered, save me expression on my face that I was there for the chapel service. All I said was, "Yes." He gave me something to sign. I then asked, "Where exactly is the chapel?" He told me to go out the back doors.
I went out the back doors and found myself outside. There was a small building to my right, but the door was locked and there was a meeting occurring inside. So, I sat at some outside benches with some other folks. I felt awkward. It felt like a prison. I didn't feel like I was connecting (to say the least) with those sitting outside with me.
One person asked what I was speaking on tonight. I replied, "Oh, are you coming?" He said that all of them were required to come. "Oh," I said.
Awkward pause.
Then he initiated a conversation with me. He started talking about how Queen Elizabeth lived next to him. Her roommates were Jesus, this guy's dead father, Satan, and Queen Elizabeth's dog.
Oh boy.
Finally, the door opened and I was told I could go on in. I thought that the people inside would come out, but they didn't. We (those sitting outside) just went in and were added to the group already in there for the previous meeting. There were close to 30 people packed in this small room.
I was trapped. What was I thinking?!?
Hesitantly, I asked if I could pray to get us started. This was no "let's begin with prayer" prayer. It was true desperation. God, I'm sorry I listened to You. Please save me. Please do something. These people are expecting something. You should do it.
I then gave them a little background about me. I talked about growing up Hindu and coming to know Jesus Christ. I wasn't planning on sharing this, so maybe I was just relying on what was familiar to me.
Then, I started talking about how we have cut the gospel short. I shared that God forgiving us was not good enough. I talked about how being asked to follow a bunch of rules is not good news. I then talked about how Jesus did not come to ask us to behave. He did not come to give us new rules to follow.
He died for us
So that He could give Himself to us
So that He could live His life through us
I handed out a sheet of paper with John 14:18-20 on it. It also had concentric circles. It was what Jeff shared with me on a napkin the first time I met him.
I talked about how Jesus was in God. I talked about how we were in Jesus. I talked about how Jesus was in us.
He died for us so that He could give Himself to us so that He could live His life through us.
I talked about how God uses suffering to strip us of our independence from Him. I talked about how God is offering Himself to us to handle what we cannot handle. I talked about how if we are ready to give up, God is ready to say, "Thank you. Now I can actually do something."
He died for us so that He could give Himself to us so that He could live His life through us.
For a moment, it seemed like I was really connecting with them. I asked them what would happen if we really believed this. What if it's true?! Then, out of nowhere, I asked that we all commit to pretending that it is true for 24 hours. I said that from 7:25 pm tonight to 7:25 pm tomorrow, we would pretend that Jesus was in God, that we were in Jesus, and that Jesus was in us.
He died for us so that He could give Himself to us so that He could live His life through us.
Reader Comments (2)
Thanks, brother.
Something did happern...you were there.
Looking forward and praying with you!
Isn't it hard sometimes to put it all on God? It's so much easier for ME to try to make something happen, or to be the one responsible for getting someone to understand.
Except that it's so much harder.
But what if God doesn't do what I want?!? What if the whole thing flops?
What a great story you've told of giving in to the Lord. I love the reality of how hard it was, and how good it was, and the potential that really only has ever lain in God. I, too, will be praying.